time, jobs, Jesus
It's interesting how life can change when you don't have a job. The time you had hoped for is there, you have the time for the projects and movies, and you realize how much time people spend at work. Sitting and waiting, wondering if quitting your job was the right thing to do, if God really wanted that for you, or maybe you made it up?
Then the areas that need serious contemplation arise. How do I really spend my time? With my family? Praying? Or sitting up and watching CNN and "Why Can't I Be You?" (shamefully)? In the ebbs and flows of fun and guilt, people remind me of God's perfect timing. Part of quitting was releasing control to God, and letting go of my perceptions of life and them melting into His. To myself, and perhaps not noticable to those around me, I can be a control freak within the realms of my mind, to myself. Having things not work out the way I thought (I thought I would be tutoring rich kids by now), it is once again building perspective and trust that someway, somehow, this is actually working out in the best way possible, for God's sake.
I guess then what it really is about is how the time today is being used, why this time was granted to me, and not why I am unemployed.
Busyness is a culture here. When people call Southern Californians "laid back," I give a strange look and wonder how long they have lived here, because that is not the Southern California I know. I heard in a sermon a few weeks ago (in relation to Proverbs), and the pastor mentioned that if someone in Socal asks someone else from Socal what they have been up to, if the person responds "Nothing, I have really been up to anything lately." The other will give a strange look and probably think the person is lazy. I was this person about 3 years ago (before becoming a YWAMer), and I am now realizing how this culture has been sucked into the air I breathe, infecting my blood (ahh, over dramatizing can be fun). Yet being set free again is beautiful, and is not yet over; God has more to teach me about time and control. I have only begun to learn about living in the moment, and now I am beginning to learn time discipline and releasing control of what I think my future should look like. For that I can let out a shriek and "Thank God" in the same breath.
Then the areas that need serious contemplation arise. How do I really spend my time? With my family? Praying? Or sitting up and watching CNN and "Why Can't I Be You?" (shamefully)? In the ebbs and flows of fun and guilt, people remind me of God's perfect timing. Part of quitting was releasing control to God, and letting go of my perceptions of life and them melting into His. To myself, and perhaps not noticable to those around me, I can be a control freak within the realms of my mind, to myself. Having things not work out the way I thought (I thought I would be tutoring rich kids by now), it is once again building perspective and trust that someway, somehow, this is actually working out in the best way possible, for God's sake.
I guess then what it really is about is how the time today is being used, why this time was granted to me, and not why I am unemployed.
Busyness is a culture here. When people call Southern Californians "laid back," I give a strange look and wonder how long they have lived here, because that is not the Southern California I know. I heard in a sermon a few weeks ago (in relation to Proverbs), and the pastor mentioned that if someone in Socal asks someone else from Socal what they have been up to, if the person responds "Nothing, I have really been up to anything lately." The other will give a strange look and probably think the person is lazy. I was this person about 3 years ago (before becoming a YWAMer), and I am now realizing how this culture has been sucked into the air I breathe, infecting my blood (ahh, over dramatizing can be fun). Yet being set free again is beautiful, and is not yet over; God has more to teach me about time and control. I have only begun to learn about living in the moment, and now I am beginning to learn time discipline and releasing control of what I think my future should look like. For that I can let out a shriek and "Thank God" in the same breath.
posted by danielle at 3:47 PM
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